Peer Feedback: 30 Sec Automotive Script

Andrew Zuber
Andrew Zuber Guest
100 Comments 25 Likes First Answer Photogenic
edited July 2021 in Peer Feedback

A big part of being in this community is the chance to review and assist your peers!

This week, we're welcoming you to demonstrate your skills with one of our sample scripts.

We'll start with a 30-second Automotive Commercial Sample Script: You can find the script here

Upload your take on the spot, or listen and provide helpful feedback to your peers.

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Comments

  • t1dman
    t1dman Member, Voices_Premium
    Name Dropper 5 Likes First Comment

    I saw this earlier and really wanted to participate! I hope I am not too late! I have a lot to learn as I have auditioned over 600 times and have not been hired for even one job. I want to learn and improve!


  • needs a bit more energy

  • t1dman
    t1dman Member, Voices_Premium
    Name Dropper 5 Likes First Comment

    I have the type of voice that I can yell into the mic and it still sounds like im talking calmly!

  • @t1dman Thanks for being the first one to take the plunge on a feedback session!

  • t1dman
    t1dman Member, Voices_Premium
    Name Dropper 5 Likes First Comment

    Hey! After 600 unsuccessful auditions, it's safe to say I need to learn something!

  • ganbeck
    ganbeck Member, Voices_Premium
    25 Likes 10 Comments Photogenic Name Dropper

    Hi @t1dman,

    I'm happy to provide feedback that I will hope is taken constructively :)

    The demo sounds like you are reading it from a script as opposed to speaking conversationally. If you can practice reading it more like it's just something you've thought about and are telling a friend, that will improve it. It sounds as if you are trying very hard to read each word distinctly and carefully. That's not a bad thing, but the trick is not to SOUND like you're doing that 😉

    Try relaxing and just speaking as you would to somebody in person.

    I hope that helps!

  • t1dman
    t1dman Member, Voices_Premium
    Name Dropper 5 Likes First Comment

    Thank you. I do appreciate your feedback. I find that feedback interesting. I am somewhat trying to articulate. As I am generally quite mush mouth if I dont put thought into my words. However, this IS actually how I talk to a friend when I'm passionate about something. I get excited, talk loud, and over annunciate most of words.

    But I will practice more with annunciating a bit more... conversationally, i think is what you're trying to say.

  • peter-hopkins
    peter-hopkins Member, Voices_Premium
    Photogenic Name Dropper First Comment

    Hi @t1dman

    The audio quality was excellent.

    I would recommend a bit more enthusiasm for the product as well as bit faster pace. Imagine someone staring through the showroom window and practically drooling at the thought of owning and driving this car.

    In order to avoid coming off like I'm reading copy, I imagine myself actually talking to my target audience in front of me and how much they will really benefit from using this product or service. You can't sell it if you're noting feeling it yourself.

    Peter

  • mick_lager
    mick_lager Member, Voices_Premium
    Name Dropper Photogenic First Comment

    Great day all! Here's my take... fire away.


  • @mick_lager Thanks for submitting!

  • t1dman
    t1dman Member, Voices_Premium
    Name Dropper 5 Likes First Comment

    I appreciate all the feedback. It's interesting to hear. I was in sales for 7 years (successfully), and people often told me it was because of my attitude. That is clearly not coming across here. I would love pointers on how to convey this, as my voice does not seem to convey this message alone!

  • peter-hopkins
    peter-hopkins Member, Voices_Premium
    Photogenic Name Dropper First Comment
    edited June 2021

    Hi @t1dman

    Maybe what you could do is to listen to each sentence at a time that you recorded. Imagine yourself as the target audience and ask yourself: 'How would I respond to a salesperson saying that sentence to me? More importantly, how would this guy have to talk to get my attention and have me put confidence in what he's telling me?'

    Whatever vocal delivery would get YOU to sign on the dotted line, would probably work for your target audience as well. Your experience in sales can be a ready source of technique as well.

    Peter

  • t1dman
    t1dman Member, Voices_Premium
    Name Dropper 5 Likes First Comment

    @peter-hopkins

    I honestly feel like I would buy from this guy. lol. The only difference here from the way i talk in real life is articulation. I talk with intention all the time, but in real life, i don't articulate as much.

  • t1dman
    t1dman Member, Voices_Premium
    Name Dropper 5 Likes First Comment

    @mick_lager

    I would have said that it feels a bit over the top for me. But my feedback says I wasn't energetic enough so 🤷‍♂️.

    I liked it otherwise. I noticed you used stereo. I have been using mono for all of my recordings. Not just auditions, but jobs, too. I was under the impression that this was preferred.

  • t1dman
    t1dman Member, Voices_Premium
    Name Dropper 5 Likes First Comment

    @peter-hopkins


    I got so caught up in the feedback I never thanked you for both your POSITIVE and constructive feedback, so thank you!

  • mick_lager
    mick_lager Member, Voices_Premium
    Name Dropper Photogenic First Comment

    @t1dman

    Thanks for the feedback. Stereo is what I'm running atm. Ran Mono most of the time before but after 2k auditions and 97 shortlists and only 1 paying job... I'm trying anything at this point. Any ideas?

  • markofthewild
    markofthewild Member, Voices_Premium
    10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Likes Photogenic

    Ok, i'll take the plunge.

    I'm Mark of the Wild and I'm new to the VO industry but was a DJ for many, many years. Let me know what you think. All feedback will be appreciated!

    Thanks!


  • markofthewild
    markofthewild Member, Voices_Premium
    10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Likes Photogenic
    edited June 2021

    Ooops, I didn't read the beginning of the discussion...here is an updated demo of the script posted...let me know any feedback and don't hold back...any help is good help


  • brettbower
    brettbower Member, Voices_Premium
    Photogenic First Comment

    Figured I'd take a stab at this just for fun! Yes, I know my sample is not studio quality.... but wanted to at least get more practice in on delivery and timing while waiting to finish setting up my home studio in a few days. I've done a lot of freelance VO work over the years.... just not through this site yet.

    Character voices are my specialty, but oddly enough, the vast majority of voice jobs I've booked are just straight narration, announcer, etc.

    Again, this is NOT studio quality and I'm well aware of that. :) Just a quick sample on my smartphone. Getting some practice in. Thanks for any feedback on style, vocal register, delivery, etc.


  • ganbeck
    ganbeck Member, Voices_Premium
    25 Likes 10 Comments Photogenic Name Dropper

    I do mine in stereo as well and haven't had any requests to change to mono with work that I've done. I liked your voice but I think I'm hearing just a tiny bit of room reflection in there that you might try to reduce in future recordings.

  • mondyeustache
    mondyeustache Member, Voices_Guest
    First Comment

    Hello everyone. I have absolutely no experience in voiceover. I'd appreciate

    any feedback. Thanks in advance

  • anthonywashington
    anthonywashington Member, Voices_Premium
    First Comment

    here is my take on the 30 sec spot new to voice over

  • maryann
    maryann Member, Voices_Premium
    First Comment

    Is this still going on? I have recently renewed my membership and would love to get some feedback.

  • hotgravy
    hotgravy Member, Voices_Platinum
    10 Comments 5 Awesomes 5 Likes First Answer

    Hi @t1dman,

    You have a nice, calm relatable voice. I'd suggest, as others have mentioned, to really picture talking to one person, a friend of yours, and just have a conversation with them. It's ok for it to sound less measured and perfect (I used to do that all the time). Also, note that the spot is a :30 so you'd want to read this quite a bit faster. By giving it that relaxed "talking to a friend" feel, I'm sure you can get it within :30 and put a smile on it!

  • hotgravy
    hotgravy Member, Voices_Platinum
    10 Comments 5 Awesomes 5 Likes First Answer

    Hi @mick_lager

    Love the energy in your voice! Cool that you were able to work the copy into the :30 time frame. I think it would be great if you can keep that smile and perhaps dial back the "ups and down" in the overall inflection. If you can get it to be a little more conversational as opposed to the "salesy" delivery then you're onto something! Picture that friend that you're excited to tell this to and talk directly to them. It really does help a lot.

  • hotgravy
    hotgravy Member, Voices_Platinum
    10 Comments 5 Awesomes 5 Likes First Answer

    Hi markofthewild

    I dig your voice style. Sounds like you have the friendly neighbor vibe going on! I'd suggest dialing back the announcer tone just a bit and just talk to that friend of yours that would like to hear about this. I know everyone says "talk to a friend" but it truly is a great way to get that relaxed, conversational read. Copy for commercials isn't always written in a way that we would truly talk to someone else. But our job is to make it sound that way for these types of "real person" or "conversational/relatable" reads. When you practice, you can even try a "lead-in" or "pre-life". If you have a buddy named Joe you're pretending to talk to about this product you can say something like "Hey, Joe, I gotta tell you all about this (blank)." And then go into the copy. Just make sure if you're recording to remove that lead-in.

  • hotgravy
    hotgravy Member, Voices_Platinum
    10 Comments 5 Awesomes 5 Likes First Answer

    Hi @t1dman,

    I'm going to amend my notes a bit as I now see that the specs for this particular spot were "authoritative, smooth and edgy". So the conversational tone doesn't really apply here after all. That being said, the read could use to be a bit more relaxed and the pace can be picked up. The Ford ads that Brian Cranston does are a good measuring stick for this type of ad. The specs mention something about the feeling of a "classic adventure film" but don't take that as needing to sound like a movie trailer voice. Tough, rugged, blue collar. A voice that is real but that will make people stop and listen.

  • hotgravy
    hotgravy Member, Voices_Platinum
    10 Comments 5 Awesomes 5 Likes First Answer

    Hi @mick_lager

    Amending my notes for your sample as well. Your delivery is more along the conversational lines with a little extra energy. Since they are asking for "authoritative, smooth and edgy", I'd look at other samples of similar type spots and get an idea of how this could sound. Again, the recent Ford F-150 ads have that sound. Maybe they want a bit more "adventure" on this spot so you could dial up the energy just a bit without going over the top.

  • hotgravy
    hotgravy Member, Voices_Platinum
    10 Comments 5 Awesomes 5 Likes First Answer

    Hi markofthewild

    On your second sample (the authoritative, smooth and edgy direction) I like the way you leaned into the bold style. On this type of read they look for something with a bit less smile on it. It's more like "hey, I'm completely confident in what I'm telling you about and you need to listen". It's less about the DJ sound and more like a laid back, self assured assessment of what you're saying. It's the FACTS and no one is going to question you.

  • hotgravy
    hotgravy Member, Voices_Platinum
    10 Comments 5 Awesomes 5 Likes First Answer

    Hi brettbower

    There's no doubt you have the voice for this type of spot. It can be more matter-of-fact than you think. Sometimes it's hard to translate exactly what a clients wants with their specs. It's always just a guideline. A great coach of mine always says "don't get married to the specs". Authoritative more often means that you are sure of yourself as opposed to being too dramatic. I keep going back to the Bryan Cranston Ford ads but those spots nail this spec. Take a listen and see if you can hear how all these directions can combine to make it sound real but convincing.